Coming Out…

Coming out is different for everyone.

What is coming out?

Coming out is when a person tells another person or group their sexuality or gender. LGBTQIA+ individuals can come out at any age or time in their lives and it might take time to feel ready to tell others. Someone might come out to different people at different times, for example coming out to their friends and not their family, and some might not want to tell anyone about their sexuality or gender. 

Why come out?

Coming out might help to make you feel more accepted or understood.

Once you have come out to yourself, you may decide that you want to come out to others. There is no right or wrong time to come out, only whenever feels right for you. If you feel that you need support, there are several ways that you can access this:

• Support groups such as your local LGBTQ centres – they have help lines and many run youth groups
• Digital and online services
• Specialist services such as independent advocates (they may charge)
• Other LGBTQ people/friends

How should I come out?

How and when to come out is your own choice.  

Some people prefer to send a message or letter than coming out in person. Some people find it helpful to plan who to tell first and think about what they are going to say. If you think planning might be useful, it might help to think about: 

• Telling someone you trust first, like a close friend, family member or trusted adult. 

• Writing down what you might say in a safe place, such as a notepad or on your phone. 

• Asking other LGBTQIA+ individuals for advice about their experience in coming out.

• Talking about LGBTQIA+ individuals in the public eye to see how someone else reacts first. 

• Finding a comfortable location to come out to someone where you won’t be disturbed, distracted or rushed. 

• Think about what questions they might ask you afterwards and how you might respond to them. Remember that it’s ok to not answer a question if you don’t feel comfortable doing so. 

• Deciding whether you’re ok with a person telling other people about your sexuality or gender, or if you’d like the person to keep this to themselves. 

Remember – be kind to yourself, do not pressure yourself, find a way that’s comfortable for you – text, email, face to face, telephone, video and never regret or feel guilty for who you are and who you love.

After coming out

Coming out is something to feel proud of, but you can’t always control how someone will react after you come out to them. Some people might be surprised or taken aback, and it can take time for them to process.  

Remember that if someone doesn’t react as you’d hoped at first, this doesn’t mean that they’ll always feel that way.  

Support is always available, take a look at these free services you can reach out to: 

• ChatHealth 

• ChildLine 

• Local LGBTQ centres. Find yours here.

How to get help

If you have any more questions on this area or would like to speak to somebody about this topic, have a look at the links or search for your local services in the blue box below. Alternatively you can always contact your school nurse.

• w: Bullying UK: Homophobic bullying