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1. Communication

A. Normally you talk openly, but occasionally one of you will shout the other person down
B. You talk openly together about your feelings without either of you shouting or swearing
C. During arguments, there is often swearing and/or abusive comments, and one of you will 'ignore' the other for a time as a punishment

2. Respect

A. You value each other, and feel happy that you can each have your own beliefs and opinions, and that is respected
B. One (or both) of you totally disregard the other person's views, doesn't care what they think or feel and might well try to make them do something that they don't want to do
C. One (or both) of you behaves inconsiderately from time to time, doesn't respect the other person's values and laughs at what they say or do

3. Equality

A. You are both able to make your own decisions about where you go, who you see and when you want to do something
B. One of you makes the majority of the decisions about what you do and where you go, putting pressure on the other to fall in line
C. One of you makes all of the decisions for the other. This person is able to go out and see who they want, when they want, but the other person isn’t

4. Compassion

A. One of you seems to take pleasure in making the other person feel down, regularly winding them up or upsetting them for no reason
B. One of you is dismissive of the other person’s emotions and feelings, and might laugh at them when they do open up
C. You both love and care for each other. You are both able to be open about how you feel, and support each other emotionally

5. Personal space

A. One of you often stops the other person from seeing their friends and family, and controls when, where and who the other sees
B. You both have time to yourselves and are able to enjoy it
C. One of you regularly feels uncomfortable about the time you spent together or apart, and may try to stop the other spending time with other people

6. Trust

A. You trust each other equally and completely
B. One of you often suspects that the other is doing something behind their back without any reason
C. One of you won’t let the other person be around other people, putting pressure on them to end any friendships they have. They always check where the other person is and might follow them

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How to get help

If you have any more questions on this area or would like to speak to somebody about this topic, have a look at the links or search for your local services in the blue box below. Alternatively you can always contact your school nurse.

w: Childline- Healthy and unhealthy relationships
w: Women's Aid and Refuge- National Violence Helpline
t: 0808 2000 247
w: Men's Advice Line
t: 0808 801 0327

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Page last reviewed: 30-10-2021

Next review due: 30-10-2023

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